a chaque instant je pense a toi, et tu me manques

The stupid thing in my chest skips few beats every time you cross my mind

it's too much, I miss

umm

Hi

Hollow

Pointless Post

What the hell is wrong with me, i'm whiney today.  I don't like whiney people. and also healthy people. How do they do it? Screw healthy diet. lets fry the vegetables and put sugar in the fruit. 

Erm, umm, a couple of seedy persons just entered the coffee shop. PLEASE tell me they don't have swine flu :( I mean simply because they look like swine  (no offense to swine) does not make them any more deserving of this insidious pestilence, right? 

Swine-like people are not sexy  (except to other swine of course, & even they can do better).

Once, during last semester, I was as bitchy as I am today, I came in late, the tutor said, 'Thank you for coming in, L', and i said 'oh, no trouble old chap, i wasn't doing anything better anyway'. After the class was over, the other students thought I took his comment at face value and didn't understand the tutors joke. I agreed with them and played the fool. Fun. That teacher gave me the highest grade i got that semester.

Wearing too many masks took its toll on me. I now suffer from multiple personality disorder. But come to think of it, it aint that bad. i am sure both parts of my personality will come to some kind of agreement at some point.being split is the only sensible way of existing. Without emotional or spiritual discordance, how could one ever make a sensible, considered judgement? Having an unstable personality makes you more neutral and more effective in being critical, right? 

Shoot me if i'm wrong. (but only with a water gun, and i want you to only use mineral water. I prefer Vivian really? Evian, or Abraj. Merci).

Free piece of advice. if you can't exploit your abilities to produce work that few other people are capable of producing, there is no point. You gotta outwrite and outdo other people, show off. You can't be someone who just taps into the facile populist tastes. 

I miss the group i was with last week. So much. 

What is chalet without booze and a hot woman, just a place with lots of sand. 

I have not stopped writing. I write all the time. I do not publish because I don't find blogging as interesting as it used to be. Blogger is boring me. But this place is not out of business yet. I have learned that in the PR world, they do not sayout of business, they say hard at work on future projects!

a la votre, kiddos

Writing and Literature

Usually, When I attempt to write fiction or even projects, I must confess that I try to act like a puppet master by using my sources as human shields and permitting them to argue amongst each other because I never have a logical point. Sometimes that approach works; at other times it does not. When I write, however, I never worry about it, and even the most challenging of projects I could write effortlessly. It is just a drag writing them, never hard, it never felt like a challenge. The hardest part is my obsession with perfecting expressions and other stylistic aspects. For I am all style

What i learned, throughout the years, is that independent thinking and moving away from the pedagogy of academe is what makes one understand why literature is fun. It should never be about set ideas and pure theory, but it ought to be more concerned with what the works are about, how we could interpret and develop/refute the ideas within. Literature degrees make it sound as if there is an imaginary world where people read and that students, need to see how this stimulus affects the thoughts of the freakin' lab rats we observe. I mean, as humans, literature is of utmost importance to us and our lives and it should always be about learning to become more human, if that designation does not disgust one! By endlessly reading theorists, and commenting on their perspectives rather than the literature, means we become analysts of commentary and not critics of literature.

In time, and the more you read, and write, the better you will get. The key thing is to become very passionate about your ideas and to know what you want to talk about, so in time, as you become more comfortable with your own theories, you will be able to excel. The worst thing is if you can write, but neither have a point, nor any idea as to what to write about. And this is, my dear writers, what blights most people since the broadness of human existence makes it so hard to concentrate on just one thing - it always seems trivial to say some things, and not others. Again, writing is empowerment. Get something to write on and something to write with and you'll be surprised at what your words can paint. So, paint away.

Rant over.

Black and White

White: One of the professors who taught me last year emailed me few hours ago and mentioned in her email that I am one of the most 'creative' students she has ever taught, and for that she'd always be glad to teach me. 

Very flattering, your royal highness,  but to tell you the truth (as opposed to my usual lies), I'm a dormant; inactive volcano.. but once i have interesting material to work on and something substantial there will be no stopping me. I would be like a yo yo off the string..... 

To me, writing is empowerment. reading is a process of making sense of all the enigma's. My professor thinks i'm creative. but I'm not. (How i could still con people into thinking i am smart is beyond me) I think i'm just a dreamer. Yes. D.r.e.a.m.e.r.

Black: Have you ever wondered why this world is inferior to the world of dreamers? Your world, is inferior to my world. Let me tell you why.

Pessoa spelled it out for us! Pessoa says:

The dreamer's superiority is due to the fact that dreaming is much more practical than living, and the dreamer gets far greater and more varied pleasure out of life than the man of action. In other and plainer words, the dreamer is the true man of action

P.s. He keeps saying 'man' - that was not me, i swear, the sexist pig. but you see what he means?

Anyway kids, i'm off to the land of Nod. 

Down

Feeling down and unwell today. You say the sun shines, I say, oh the sun exploded years ago.

Tell me a joke or something. 

The Art of Being Cool/Attractive

YOU!

Readers,

If you follow my advice, i'm sure you could pull anyone you desire. Now hear me out!!!! Listen to the advice of a confessed fool. Read carefully, you big big big wuss!

1

2

3

If you really want a woman,

Be cool,

Be enigmatic

Withold as much as u reveal,

Say only as much as she asks,

Limit ur words, be ambiguous,

Let your eyes, rather than your mouth, speak volumes

Maintain her interest,

Turn the tables

Make statements that lead to more questions, never answer.

 

If you want a woman,

You gotta smooch the hell out of her, 

But,

Turn the whole thing into something that will cause her to probe you more!

If you want a woman 

Think Socrates !

Yes Socrates,

Let me tell you of Socratic irony,

His method, and usually he did it to make people realise their own narrowmindedness,

 was to ask people who were certain of their convictions more questions

 He feigned ignorance, but knew enough

He kept asking until the person had nothing left to say

And it made the person realise how little they had thought about their viewpoint and left them wondering

 

So if you want a woman

and she asks you a question, direct the answer elsewhere,

 

to be cool, my dear fool, you have to ditch the humble schoolgirl image

 

If you like a woman,

Remember, 

Remember very well,

The essence of being cool is being detached, thoughtful and non-commital

Make yourself a challenge, make her want to unlock you but keep the keys with you, if possibly, between your lips.

Now, dear cool fools, i am not saying wear a leather jacket and start riding a harley, no idiots,  just show her that you are one exciting kid to chase.

 

If you love a woman,

make her think "if i don't nab this girl, soon someone else will!!!"

Be brave, a glutton for adventure,

Be a character in the sordid escapades directed by L - Xrated and banned in Kuwait.

If you love a woman, 

and if you are in awe of her,

Listen to my licentious advices. 

Now! get going! go apply my cool advice on the next person you like, and if they kicked your ass, claim asylum here. 

Peace & coolness,

L's brain

Feeling Random This Morning

-Good morning, kids. 

-Lately,-I realized that I'm never sensical.  sometimes I don't even know what I say or want. I am only lucid for about 20 minutes a month I am afraid, and usually I fall asleep at that precise time. So no comments on the nonsesne i spout.

-My friends hate Ulysess. Ambeeeee, I try to explain to them that Ulysess is THE BOOK. It is hilarious. I think Joyce was partly taking the piss out of the readers, which is why I like him.

-Life is beautiful. People Complicate it. Do you know, dear readers, that in the year 2002, there were about 5 cases of sharks biting people, and no one required treatment. in the same year over 500 people bit other people in new york, and over a hundred of them required hospital treatment!! not sure about the exact stats though, I heard this few years ago, but it is funny. yep shark stories are greatly exaggerested. sure they are dangerous but you have to remember, sharks belong in the water, people DO NOT, so if they hurt people, it is always people's own fault. You hear me? it's your damn fault. Wow my newfound intelligence is def. alarming every one.

-You know, things always make sense in my mind, but in execution everything becomes cloudy. 

-I think (Believe it or not - oh oh I am capable of thinking? wow what a revelation!) I am in perpetual awareness of absurdity of meanings so i always have a weird smile on my face as I see other people cling to meanings. I have no time for them! 

- I delete a lot of posts I know. Well, that is because most of the time i suffer from OCD, the rest of the time I suffer from schizophrenia lol.  You gotta love me. 

A Discord Between my Heart and Brain*

In extremely hypnotic fashion, I close my eyes, detach myself from reality and pledge my full attention to mere reveries. The nonverbal conversation between my brain and heart, with the latter's extreme internal pain of yearning and the former's inability to accept the incomprehensibility of that certain pain, reinforce a suppressed desire to merge. In my brain, I see a thousand of words, memories, and thoughts of every known and unknown languages, being cited, and written on every single cell of my brain. My heart loudly chants a scandal without shame, with such a fluency that, oh dear, wrinkles my forehead and burns my eyes. My current life, dear readers, suddenly seems like a footnote to this bygone, unwritten love history. My brain, with both gravity and levity, pleads with my heart to let what is bygone begone. But due to my heart’s incompatibility with reality, it is not obliged to adhere to my brain's rationales. My heart cannot be tied to my mind's rigidity, it inherently resists to function. Therefore, taking advantage of my brain's imaginative process and my heart's ridiculousness, I playfully alter the ending of a sad fairy tale, but fail to retrieve the correlating links that unite flesh, reason, desire and reality. It is like trying to find many lost pieces of the jig-saw of my brain. With a conflicting desire to be pulled out of the musical tyranny of these thoughts and to keep the sense of lust at bay, I try to open my eyes only to hear petrifying sung words that wrench me into the same prison. Finally, being deficient in all senses, I realize how my brain's detachment confers upon my heart a fantasy that prevents me to think independently; It leaves me with a brain which is no better than an unpaid employee of an unsettled heart. I try to free my mind from these thoughts. With difficulty, I manage to confront my alien conciseness and subconsciousness which successfully leads to temporary amnesia. Memories and thoughts are finally trapped in the depths of my brain. But.....to remember her is one thing, to desire her is a billion things. This is how her absence in my life feels now. Who is she? a vagabond oblivious to thousands of my heart's invitations; and who am I? A slave to both my brain and heart; or an insane by contemporary diagnostic criteria. 

*Fiction

-I'm going to be away for a couple of months. Cheers.

Sins, Bugs and Butterflies

- When gay parties at chalets become suspicious and observed, when what is supposed to be a completely covert relationship becomes overt, when age difference becomes questionable; Kuwait becomes intolerable. Now we know how vampires are supposed to live/feel.

- Speaking of gatherings, what do you say when relatives/friends ask you about marriage? Or when men propose to you? What excuse do you give in case you didn't wanna get married whatsoever?

-Ktdp has nominated me for the Butterfly award. Thank you, doc. I'm honored (and craving chocolate, and thinking that The Tales of Beedle The Bard is quite a disappointment. Glad I didn't get Amazon special edition). Now I'm supposed to tell you why I started blogging and nominate 4 blogs.

1-Why blogging? Luckily (and very very dishonestly) i can't remember who/why, but rumor has it that Eve is the cause of the original sin and I say that sins emerge to revive creativity. 

I nominate:

-Jewaira (Simply Jewaira's? I like)

-Ktdp     (Always thought he's original, crazy and very messed up, I like)

-Tat the don (sarcastically reflective. i like)

-Frogman (I especially like his comments. He always has something to say)

Nothing is Really Random

1-I had time to organize my old books  and as I was leafing through some I came across a question I, being  comparatively ignorant of politics, wrote down few years ago in Toni Morrison's first novel The Bluest Eye.  Check it out. Bloom? ha! "it bloomed and dropt a single noon" (Emily Dickinson).

2- I have to give up and accept the fact that i'm a hopeless case, emotionally speaking. I fall in intense love in a snap. It's just that I'm extremely extremely picky. You have no idea how picky I am. And when I find a woman who meets my expectations I fall so deep. Dangerously deep. Oh so so deep. and have I ever mentioned that i'm a lookist? But no. I'll be good this time. snap snap snap.

3- Few days ago I watched Wall E.  I found the film to be Average. I thought it was a bit rich for Disney/Pixar to make comments about consumerism since they create a lot of consumer junk as it is. What do you think? The slapstick stuff was pretty cool though, and it did work like an old silent movie because there was very little dialogue, and I found that quite refreshing. 

4-I found out that my squash trainer Dorani moved to C-Club. Hmm. C-club? I'm not really sure.

5- Although I'm in my early 20s, I am having a midlife crisis. 

6-What happened to chocolate by the by? It used to do the job quite well!

7-After six years, s-i-x   y-e-a-r-s, the slave became a master like no other. 

5- Internet providers here in Kuwait suck! The internet is so slow and I want to watch my tv shows instantly. I like The Big Bang Theory. What is your current list of tv shows?

4- Check this out. A few weeks ago, I heard of this electronic cigarette that only contains nicotine and has no harmful cancer causing chemicals. I'm not a smoker but for those who must quit imminently, they should seriously consider this product. I mean, a lot of the people who have used it say it is just like the real thing. 

and if you tried it and ended up looking like a sissy using it then you should just keep using it lol. Here's a link to the official website, if you care to read about it. Do some independent research too, should you wish to try it, and though this is technically not smoking, I still would not recommend it.  I certainly am not encouraging you to try it!! (3ogb sheno).

8-I have no idea why I'm numbering my thoughts. I know i misnumbered them. 

Over a Cup of Tea and Darabeel....

-I published this post once upon a time and then without any reason i deleted it. And we lived happily ever after. Very obsessive compulsive, what to do? Now it's edited so Spikey's comment is a bit out of place.. oh and i'll probably delete it when i feel like updating my blog lol.

-I wrote a final essay in a language that I only recently improved which is no small feat if you know how hard it is to speak a new language let alone write it *Thank god they don't know that i misspelled almost every single word*.  Yaay me. Envy is understood.

-They forgot to put the patience, simplicity and sanity chips in me and I come without a manual but there's a remote control that comes with me (Batteries not included though). Would you know how to operate me?

-"Kiss me instead of typing full stops, question marks, or any punctuation signs".

-My friends think that i'm very controlling. I disagree with them! I'm not controlling. Though I do feel like buying few collars and put one around each one's neck ! That's different right? Hmm. Yes right.

-Speaking of friends, nQ gave me the coolest tea ever from Tea Forte. The ginger tea is the best so far! There are actually crumbs of ginger in the tea tents lol. I loved it!!! (after one failed attempt to make it and being yelled at by nQ). I say, mako 3ala chai almnayes! Thanks nQ anyway for complicating my life with your appealing tea.

-I love skinny jeans. On me of course!!! I don't know about you. I also love blondish or brown hair. I love many things that I used to hate.

-I know that she wishes to put me in a needle and inject herself... and if I were a kidney stone she wouldn't remove me. I know. I act cool though. most of the time I pretend that i don't know. If she only knows! I wish i can clone her 100 times. But i also try my best not to show it. 

--I blame this useless post on workload and fatal school perfectionism; I sure am in the proverbial excrement with this whole grueling school business. 

-They are very huge, 7abaybi! I can't eat them I want to only gaze at them. There were three layers :( four cookies only left! 

  

Recipe: One great lovely aunt

Listen to me; To me You Are Going to Listen*

I am your jester, I am your entertainer. I am a fool of unconventional wisdom. Your tragedy, allow me to say, is my comedy. My comedy, I know full well, is your tragedy. I am the fool,  the heretic, the clown, and the insane.  I am the force of resistance, the loud voice of doubt and the individual element that reminds you of other impossibilities, hopes and dreams. Believe it or believe it, in any given period, whatever presiding philosophy defining people is used, it is in contrast with the innate nature of MY insane mind. Listen to me; I am your jester; a childlike character with a propensity to err. Look at me, wherever I go, wherever I do not go, I create a veritable atmosphere of frivolity, chaos, and conscious social disorder in totally unequal measure. let me tell you my story of how I possessed a foolish existence. Once upon a time I felt compelled to justify the greatest calamities to  make sense of love even when love is ostensibly not governed by any logic. so when my  affliction (or is it affection?) became difficult to define or hard to cure, I could not stop laughing at my naivety. I mean i really could not stop laughing. Then I realized, oh god, I am a fool. I am insane. In my performances, as you see, I use my most visible physical deformity that creates the conditions of my exclusion: A heart, which is misshapen and out of proportion. Is it not, after all, only a manifestation of my inner impurity and my obscurity? which is in turn only a manifestation of my superior knowledge. Gentlewomen and Gentleman, brutalwomen and brutalmen, I invite you, henceforth, to participate in provision of the humour, to critique your lover through humour, to overcome the limitations which the moral codes attempt to impose on love and to see beyond dogma and to imperfect the perfect. For when in love, YOU are all fools. 

I am your tragedy mask through which you recognize the absurdity of the world. But no, I am also your comedy mask through which you never question the reality of the world. Didn't you get it? I am what you have been hardly trying to define. I am love. I exist only to reveal to you, my dear aficionados, life’s discord with philosophy, religion, you and maybe me. I am your jester. I am life. I am simply LOVE; 

A clown who has lost its sense of humor. 

*This is 'fiction'.

C’est mon premier post en Francais

Salut!

Comment ca va? Il a fait pas beau ajourd’hui. Et j’ai rien a dire mais comme beaucoup du monde peut lire en francais je pense que je peux ecrir en francais quelque chose pas important. Va oui, c’est important! Tres Important! Si tu peux lire cet text s’il tu plait dit que tu ne peux pas lool. C’est tres amusant! Je vais ecrire quelque chose bizarre du politique et d’argent seulemunt pour avoir de l’air seriuse. Bon. J’ai trouve un nouvea addiction mais Je veux laisse ca pour une prochaine fois :p dit que tu es surprise? 

a bientot!

Joo et nQ. C'est ton nouveau post ;)